The Mrs. Diaries: The Compromise Stuff is Bull*@&)

Life is full of compromises.

That is what they tell me.

I am an only child.

Enough said.

Therefore, upon entering my marriage, I have discovered this new thing called 'compromise'. I mean, I knew it existed before we got married. I just didn't believe in it.

Basically, before we got married, the biggest 'plight' of our relationship was when I got two dogs on the same day (that's right, you heard me. TWO dogs, SAME day).

Look at how much they love each other! HA!

It's very hard to get them in the same picture OR look at the camera

The Engineer was really upset by this. He felt I should have consulted him, blah blah blah. Because apparently me getting dogs changed our lifestyle.

We were even counselled on this issue.

I should mention our councellor was my co-host on Wedding Belles and her 'office' was a sushi restaurant. So not exactly a relationship expert (in fact, I believe halfway through our 'heated discussion' she smiled and said "Do you think me and X will ever argue like this?"). Pretty much worst relationship therapist ever really.

I felt that there was no ring on my left finger and we did not share lodgings. Therefore, my decisions were by own. And if he liked it/wanted an opinion he should put a ring on it.

So he did.

And now he LOVES the dogs! And they really love him. They are such weirdos sometimes

And now we have to compromise. About everything.

I have heard women say things like "Oh my husband/partner/cat doesn't care or have an opinion" or men saying things like "happy wife = happy life" (advice given to my husband on our wedding day that he chooses to constantly ignore when I want my way).

Nope. Not in my house.

It seems that only when I have a strong opinion about something does the Engineer feel the need to totally hate it and suddenly have an opinion.

The first true test came when buying a house.

I fell in love with a church convert townhouse when we first moved to Toronto just over a year ago. I loved the sense of history & statlieness about the home (I am obsessed with living in a converted church and not being particularily - read not at all - religious, I don't know why exactly. I also would like to live in a converted barn and I am not a cow). It had brick walls, stained glass and a cute little view of a steeple. I was in LOVE with this place. The Engineer? Meh.

Swanwick Heritage Lofts

He fell in love with a trailer.

Okay, not really, but he did suggest buying one to live in while we save up for a real house.

He did fall in love with a house that I thought was 'meh'.

So there we were. Neither budging.

We had to <gasp> compromise. On a townhouse that has yet to be built and we haven't seen.

Boy. I sure hope we like it.

This was actually a huge challenge. Even though my parents did say no to me growing up, I often inevitably got my own way. I am used to getting what I want due to sheer determination. Too bad for me, so does the Engineer.

I'm actually glad our marriage isn't that "whatever the wife says goes" sort of relationship because it challenges me to not throw a hissy fit and makes me learn how to agree on something together.

There have been things I force on the Engineer.

Like a hot pink lamp that he thinks looks like a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

#8 (and I pretty much like all these things) Canada.com

Or throw pillows - remember that debacle? Or a mattress cover.

When the hot pink lamp stayed in the home this was the Engineer's compromise: "You can keep the lamp as long as you know I am going to put something in the house that you think is ugly".

I guess I'll take my chances. So far I have been able to move his NYU Beer Stein to a drawer and gave his BC Hyrdro hockey trophy to his friend (who also happens to be married to one of my closest friends. Sorry C!).

So in buying this house we faced our first compromise challenge.

And now it's time to pick the finishings.

Help us.

We survived the bathroom & kitchen cupboards. Not that it wasn't a <bit> of a battle. I now hate it when he just says 'no' to not liking something. He has to tell me why he doesn't like it (this exercise came when naming our future children. Something I do often. I love the name Charlotte. He hated it. After a while I discovered it was because he didn't like the way 'lotte' looked. WHAT? But he liked the sound of it. So now he has come around when he realized that was the dumbest reason not to like a name).

I wanted high-gloss white for all the cupboards. I got the bathrooms. We chose shaker white for the kitchen. And if those things prove difficult to clean I know who to blame. I also got an extra drawer for the bathroom! WOOHOO! He saw the sense in a drawer where I could put all his crap and not look at it. Now he will know where to find his nose-hair trimmer.

While watching a makeover show on HGTV last night, I saw these amazing gray stressed wood floors. They looked awesome!

Brooke Giannetti

So I asked him if he liked them.

No.

What exactly do you not like about them?

The grayness.

Hrm, fair enough.

Another thing that comes out with this compromise business is a <bit> of passive aggressiveness on my part. So when I pull out the old PA to get my way, he asks "Why are you being passive aggressive?". My response? "Why are you making me be passive aggressive?".

Okay, fine. I have to curtail my extra-girly taste a bit and not get an extra ruffly duvet from Anthropologie.

And he has to curtail his non-taste (and by this I don't mean he has bad taste, he just doesn't seem to have a taste at all) and not always have this as an answer "whatever is cheapest".

Of course, this is the marriage that started in mid-2010 with this statement "As long as our wedding doesn't look like a little girl's room".